He wants me to stop working!!!?
January 30, 2010 by
Filed under overseas construction jobs
My husband and I have been together for 10 years (married for 7) and we have an 8 yr old daughter. I just recently went back to college full time plus I have a full time 9 to 5. My husband is a foreman for a construction company and is thinking of going overseas to work for a year. Here’s my problem ….. My husband wants me to quit working and be a stay at home mom for the next 10 YEARS!!! He has always wanted me to stay home but we just couldn’t afford it but he if decides to that this overseas job offer he will be bringing home double what we BOTH make now. His argument has some good points and I would have more time for my studies but I want to work. He thinks I should put my career on hold and wait for our daughter to grow up. I love my job and I don’t want to put my professional life on hold for 10 YEARS!!!!
What do you think??
He’s being selfish, but sounds like u have alot on your plate, school FT, FT job-where does family time come in if he has a demanding job too? Compromising can save this argument.
is what you have now an actual career, or a job? i’d take advantage if i were you, so i could get my degree free and clear and start earning the money i deserve. is there a possibilty of compromising on the amount of time you’ll not be working?
Compromise. Every marriage needs it.
I think that you should do what YOU want.
IF you truly love your husband just put your career on hold for awhile, take some time off for yourself and for your kid. you will be financially stable, plus you’ll have time to relax and spend time with your kid; but if its really that important to you and you’ve been working way extra hard for your career just talk to him and tell him how you feel about the situation. you could still work while hes overseas, your kid is old enough for daycare. and i have to say 10yrs is a long time to put your career on hold; and depending on how old you are… but love is always stronger.
Work and continue putting money into your retirement, you never know what the future may hold. Without work for 10 years thats 10 years of not adding funds to retirement.
I say stay at your job. You will have more money in your pocket that you can spend on you and your daughter.
marriage is about compromise, tell him you will try it for 1 year while you work on your studies and see if you enjoy it. But tell him just bcuz you’re trying i doesn’t mean you are agreeing to ten years.
I think if you husbands plan works that would be a great one to stay at home. However, I also feel you can still pursue your college and do some work from the house just to keep you in the employment market.
Its definitely a good idea and you will be there for your daughter.
However, you and your hubby needs to talk this over to your satisfaction, ask the questions, and communicate your fears. Let him know where you worries and fears are…
i completely understand that you want to pursue a career, however i believe very solidly in importance of family, and both of you working all the time, means in large part a babysitter (or someone else) is raising your child. if he can make that much money, then i have to say that i think you are being slightly selfish, whats best for the FAMILY may be that you only work part-time or something. but i dont pretend to know all the intricacies of your situation, so i dont no for sure. im simply passing judgement based on what i have seen on the surface…think about the family as a whole!
I think – if you want to work and can manage the job, school, daughter and home – its up to you
You need to have a serious discussion with him. Let him know that you cannot put your career on hold for that long, and you are a good mother regardless. Let him know that it is not fair for him to ask you to do this because it is very important to you, besides you don’t want to be bound to the home all the time. It is important for you to have your independence also, as he does in the relationship. Definitely don’t quit school, you never know when you’ll get back to it, and it’ll be harder. The work thing, if you want to continue working, then you need to make him understand this.
If you want to stay home, then go for it, I can’t imagine it myself. I love working, and I love staying busy. But it sounds like with school you are busy, so do what makes you happy. He will understand.
Why not compromise?? For now, focus solely on raising your daughter and school. Once you’re done with school, see how you feel. If you want to work full time, you’ll obviously have the money for some assistance in childcare. Or if you want to wait until your daughter is a bit older and has more of her own life (i.e. teenage years!) just stay fresh in your field of study by taking more college courses or getting a part time job in that field.
Why put so much on your plate when its not necessary. If your daughter knew you had the option of not working during the day but instead going to school then and being available for her in the evenings, I’m sure she would wonder why you’re even pondering this decision.
Can you lose your job – stay in school full-time (working your school hours around your daughters) and then work “mothers hours” when you finish your degree? Let him know you need to work – you want to work – but you are willing to compromise and work around your daughters schedule? Will that work for you? I wish I could do that – it would be the best of both worlds for me!
it is what you want to do, maybe you can just go part time especially if you only have one child
There is also a tax and daycare consideration. This happened when my income suddenly increased.
His income will drive you into a very high tax bracket. After you pay your income taxes on your income at that highest possible rate, then pay for daycare, vehicle, clothing, and other work-related costs, you may find that you are working full-time for little or no take home pay.
My wife found her full-time teaching job was giving her less than $200/mo in take-home pay after all income tax, job-related expenses, and daycare. She quit and stayed home with the kids.
Once the kids were in school, she could have gone back to work but didn’t, became a computer-game addict, started spending money like it was going out of style, started to continue her education, but then changed her mind….
And now we are divorced, she complains about the $3000/mo tax free income she gets from me, and makes $8.00 an hour at wal-mart.
If I were you I would do this if he gets the overseas job:
- Agree to quit your job and focus on speeding up your college education
- Tell him that when you “finish” college, you can revisit work – because you may be able to find a job that you can align with your childs school schedule – which if you can do that – what does it matter if you work. If your child does even “one” after school activity you can work a 40 hour work week and not have her come home to an empty house. During the summer you can make another arrangement. Many people are hurting for money and if she had a friend whose parents would take on an extra child during the day – for a fee – that could work.
You don’t want to take yourself out of the job market for 10 years, that is too risky. What if he dies, gets hurt and can’t work, or the two of you end up divorcing – I am not saying that is likely – just possible.
Having a 9-5 job is fine I think and I truly think you should keep it. Organize and secure your future and do not only depend on your husband, not because he won’t help you all as a family, but you can’t guarantee what the future might hold!
As for the stufying part, as excellent as it sounds, but it does not seem to fit into your family time and especially that you do have a daughter who does NEED you and your time for any big or small things. I think you have to give up one of them. Your daughter does need the financial security too. So I think you should make up your mind as to how to studty. How about online studying? At your own pace.
plusses:
1. you can concentrate on being with your daughter through the turbulent adolescent years. many moms wish they could do this.
2. you can concentrate on school
minuses:
1. your professional career will be on hold, and it’ll be a challenge getting back started. Although maybe you’ve planned to change in anyway?
2. you’ll have to deal with staying at home, which can be a problem for some people.
you can add your own plusses and minuses, and just think about it.
My personal opinion is that you should be with your daughter. I’ve noticed in talking to young girls on this site that many of them do not have very good boundaries. they desperately need good motherly advice. If you are a typical working mom, working full time and going to school full time, she doesn’t get much of your time. When she hits her teens, and really needs motherly advice, she won’t come to you, because you didn’t put your money in the bank, so to speak.
You aren’t investing in your daughter right now. She needs you.
I can say this with confidence because I have worked full time, and gone to school full time. I know how it is.
My suggestion is to find out if you can work part time, and work from home. Maybe change your job desciption. And go to school part time. You can finish in about 8 years, and start your job search just in time to show your daughter how, and also what it means to be a professional.
And, if you’ve managed a home, you can handle pretty much anything that happens in corporate America.